For many years, I did not have the words to share on this. As we are approaching the fourth anniversary of my grandmother‘s passing and the 19th anniversary of my brother’s passing, I am choosing to celebrate their lives and to honor their memory.
The day before my grandmother passed away, my aunt who had been with her called as many people as she could think of for us to speak with her. Just the day before, she was able to get some phone credit to make it happen. She called me on FaceTime and I was able to speak with her and to pray with her and remind her to call on the name of Jesus herself. While she could hardly speak at that point, she was able to call on His name.
We had continued to pray that God would do the miraculous thing and bring her back to health.
The next morning after I dropped my daughter off to camp and was headed to the office, I can remember the exact spot where I was as I began praying in the car and asking God to heal her. In those moments, a song came on the radio “The Goodness of God“, it was not the CeCe Winans version. When the song started playing, I could feel God‘s presence fill my car, and I bawled as I thought of the words that God was good regardless of the circumstances. I have not been able to find that version again, or heard it since.
I did not know it at that moment, but my grandmother had already passed, and yet God wanted to tell me that He was still good in the midst of hard losses. When I received the call later that morning in between work, phone calls and meetings, I heard the news and maybe I was numb because in that moment, I was able to finish out all my calls without sharing what had happened. I was not yet in a position to grieve.
I also knew that I needed to get to my mother before she saw any of her messages. I went to her place of work and sat in the parking lot and waited until she came out, but because she knew me, as soon as she saw me, she knew.
I can now look back and say because the Lord had comforted me, I was able to be strong and to comfort her.
Her birthday before passing away, she requested to have a birthday celebration and we came together as a family and made it happen. I can remember how excited she was to be surrounded by so many generations that had come from her body. None of us knew that would have been her last celebration and yet God gave her and us that gift.
It’s taken me many years to realize that even in losses, God‘s goodness can shine through. She had not been sick for a long period of time. She had some ailments, but for the most part, she had been in good spirits. On that last trip, she had gotten to see many children and grandchildren and great grandchildren that she had not seen in a long time and while her passing was sad, I believe her heart was full.
Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for your goodness, even when it’s not packaged the way that we would want it to be. Father, there are many who are grieving the loss of their loved ones. Would you be with them and comfort them, showing them that you care about our sadness and broken hearts, and your promise to never leave us or forsake us will always stand.