I’m taking a bit of a departure of what I usually share on faith. This one is about my experience as a single mom during the pandemic.
I have a moment to breathe as my daughter is in the next room on a google meet. She has them 3 days for about an hour each time. But this is the first time I’ve been able to move to another room. Normally I’m solving for technology issue, or her simply not wanting to be on, and me staying close to ensure she does what she’s supposed to be doing.
I’ve found myself looking up articles to see how other single mothers are doing during this pandemic. I’ve found lots of useful articles, but I think I will share my experience as well.
All of our experiences are very different, and it varies depending on how many kids you have, the ages, whether they are in school and whether you are choosing to distance learn/teach. It also varies depending on your job. There are so many variations of family dynamics and what we are each facing.
My situation: I’m a single mom to a 7 year old girl. We live by ourselves, which is a big blessing. I’m trying to be diligent with distance learning and enforcing some rules. I’m also in my first year of trying to build my business as a financial advisor.
My daughter is amazing, with a very strong personality, and she is a talker. This certainly has its benefits, but when all you want is the kid to do what you want and stop talking, this is the most frustrating process, for both. There is NO break from each other. When I say none, I mean none.
I’ve come across articles that talk about this. In this pandemic, that’s actually relatively normal. Kids are out of their routines, and as independent as they normally are, they need to feel safe. For my daughter, it comes down to being next to me. ALL the time. She likes the comfort of being next to me. If I get upset and I need a cool down period to sit in the backyard, she’s outside before I have a chance to pull down my folding chair. She doesn’t like being inside by herself – not even for a minute.
I noticed something yesterday. We were frustrated with each other. Because she needs me close, instead of working from my home office, I’ve set up shop in the living room. I picked up my laptop to go print something from my office. She started crying hysterically. The fear was real in her eyes. I had to catch myself and gently (as best I could), explain that I simply needed to print something. Our kids’ anxieties are real, and they are emerging in different ways.
I’m now wearing many hats.. all at the same time. I’m mom, cook, housekeeper, business owner, confidante, daughter, teacher, author. I feel like every single hat I’ve ever had to wear, is now piled on top of my head. And the load is heavy.
I’ve cried, and yelled more than I care to admit. Way. More. Than. I. Care. To. Admit.
I’m an overachiever. I want my kid to do the thing that she’s supposed to do. It’s not even about the actual assignment, it’s more about the discipline around doing what needs to be done. But guess what? That’s not working. Not during these difficult emotional times. I’ve spoken with other parents; their struggles might be different depending on how much instruction they’re enforcing. But our kids are dealing with something no one has experience in, and they can’t be expected to produce at the same level as before. They are away from their friends, and playmates, and likely the things that gave them a sense of normalcy.
I know I’m not doing my best work. But guess what? Hardly anyone is. I’m having lots of open and honest conversations, and no matter how focused you were before, this is not the same. Every time you get interrupted, it takes a while to refocus, just in time to be interrupted again. I have such high expectations of the work I’d like to do. It’s not happening. I have had to adjust and readjust expectations of myself – and figuring out how I can work differently that works for both of our needs as I enjoy working. This is an area I get fulfillment from.
Some of my coping skills have been to wake up an hour or two before she does so I can have quiet time. I read devotions and journal my thoughts and prayers. I also as best as I can, verbalize what I’m going through with close friends. I have a village, and while we don’t see each other and interact the same way, we have conversations about what we are each facing – even though our circumstances are different. I wake up and get ready for my day – each day, as if I am leaving home to go to an office.
I’m wondering how others are coping and what they are doing to make this situation work and still have mentally healthy child/children at the end of this.
My advice to you: do the best that you can. We are all struggling in some arena. Don’t beat yourself up. Do your best to ensure you and your kid(s) comes out of this mentally and emotionally healthy.