Growing up, I’ve often heard that money and communication are two of the biggest topics that can cause issues in a marriage.
As I’ve gotten older, I can definitely now understand that is a very true conclusion.
As we are around the time of Valentine’s Day – the holiday of Love, let’s discuss how money and love can work.
Often times when we meet a partner, money is not one of the first things that is top of mind to discuss. We have been taught that to discuss money and finances is a taboo subject, however, as you get more serious in a relationship, I would challenge you that if you are not discussing money, you are already doing a disservice to your future relationship.
Individuals typically come from different money backgrounds, and we might not even be aware that we have different money stories that we have experienced and the things we tell ourselves.
As an example, one partner may have come from a family that has learned how to manage their finances and ultimately grow their wealth. One partner may have come from living from paycheck to paycheck and never really learned good financial tools.
If these two individuals come together, without understanding why, they may continue to experience frustrations in their relationships where money is concerned. They know they handle money differently, but they can’t quite figure out what the root cause is, and how to address it to be able to proceed in a healthy way.
As I’ve worked with many couples over the years, different couples handle the money in their relationships differently.
Some things that I’ve observed:
Does one partner primarily take care of the finances?
Does one person do the long term planning, while the other does the day to day spending?
Is one person naturally a saver?
Is one person naturally a spender?
Are we talking about the whole income of the household or are we talking about how much each person will contribute to expenses and savings?
I’ll be fully transparent and suggest that there might not be a “right” way to handle finances, it just has to be the way that works for you and your household with open and transparent conversations.
If one person feels like they are doing too much of the financial burdens, resentment will build.
There may be seasons in the relationship that one person must show up more for various reasons.
The key is to ensuring that you are both on the same page with how you will manage the current season as well as future seasons to ensure that no one person becomes resentful, by having open and honest conversations.
I guess they were right after all – both money and communication are two very important topics in a relationship, and if we do them together, we can have a strong and successful relationship.
What are some ways that you and your partner will work together to ensure that you are managing your financial lives in a way that is pleasing to both of you?