Yesterday was a busy day at work for me. It was also my birthday, which meant a busy evening as well. As I was rushing home, I knew I needed to thank everyone for their well wishes, as I’d had no time during the day. The thought also occurred to me that I didn’t know what my next thought was to share with you – and it was coming up to my next day to share.
You see, shortly after I started writing my blog, I committed to God that I would do 3 posts a week. Guess what? He’s provided 3 thoughts per week to share. As I had prayed for what to share, I also knew that when I was going to write it would be limited, because I wasn’t going to have much time in the next few days – I had chuckled to God and told Him if He wanted me to share anything, He’d have to wake me up with what to write in the early morning. Once again, He has not disappointed – it’s 1:30am, and I know once I’m done writing, I’ll fall back asleep. That’s how it’s worked.
Because I’ve had the question a few times in the recent past of how I come up with a thought – I figured I’d share the answer with you. Honestly, I don’t know. What prompted this particular topic was: last night on my way home from celebrating my birthday, I was in the car much later than I normally would be. They ‘coincidentally’ were interviewing the group ‘Casting Crowns’ and how they came up with their songs. They explained that they do a lot of collaboration, but when they hear one of their finished songs for the first time, they wonder if that song came from them – and they know that it didn’t. As it seemed like they just had the privilege of hearing it first – even though they were involved in the whole process of writing and putting it all together.
I literally got goose bumps. That’s exactly the conversation I’d had multiple times this week alone. I don’t know if you recall some of my very early posts – but I reluctantly agreed with God to do this writing thing. I had every reason under the sun as to why I couldn’t and shouldn’t be doing it. But God had every reason why I should. And then he kept sending me to the book of Exodus and reminding me (multiple ways and multiple times) that if I was given a task, that He, himself would equip me. I. Reluctantly. Agreed. I’m private. I don’t like to share my thoughts for everyone to judge me as to what’s going on in my head. I don’t like to be judged because since high school and college, I knew where I was likely to make errors in writing – comma splices and fragments. I don’t want anyone to read my work and judge me on that.
But then God in His way, keeps reminding me that this is NOT about me. I’ve asked Him how come He’s using me. And He reminds me – it’s NOT about me.
But then I have conversations with someone who was touched by something I shared. Or someone asking me how I knew that they needed to hear that word at that moment. Honestly, I didn’t. If I tried to take credit for any of this, I’d be lying. I don’t know – but God knows what you’ve asked him for. And guess what, God has used my ‘own’ writing to remind me of what He’s told me. How amazing is that?
All I can say is: I’m amazed and humbled and in awe of everything God has done and is doing in my life because I finally said yes, even though I felt ill equipped. But then He reminds me – this is NOT about you, Kaysi.
What have you been telling God no about – that He keeps reminding you that He will equip you? All you need to do is to step out in faith.
Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for your many blessings. Thank you for using us even though we are unworthy, and realizing that only through you that we can get the task that You’ve asked us to do, done. Lord, change our hearts so that we become willing vessels for you, no matter what the costs.